ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
