just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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