Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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