Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
