She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
