I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
