Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
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