my phone needs a breathalizer
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize