You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
God, I missed his penis.
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