you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
