Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
