I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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