dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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