Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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