I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
