Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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