the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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