I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
