I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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