God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
