as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
