Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
