Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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