i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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