When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
