I CAN MOONWALK!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
