He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
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I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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