Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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