I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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