I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
