Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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