She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize