Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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