2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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