apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
