Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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