Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
