You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My balls are so social today.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
