Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
