dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm like, not good at living.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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