nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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