If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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