You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
