I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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