Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
