like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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