We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
