I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
