hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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