ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
