the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
