So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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