I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
