dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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