No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
