I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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