dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
