We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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