I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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