hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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