Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
