i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
