Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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