it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
